just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat