How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.