i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.