nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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