i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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