i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
