We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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