Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
