if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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