I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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