12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
