He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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