woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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