I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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