Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
