Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
be right there i have to get my cape
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
