how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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