i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
