sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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