dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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