...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
