i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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