So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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