Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
