y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
