I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
...so i touched it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
