If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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