A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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