and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
