Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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