You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
