Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
