Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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