Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
