Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
