She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
