He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
