i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
