Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This house was built for laser tag.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
