I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize