If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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