come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
