i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
