Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the day after is always just damage control
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
