Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
