Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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