remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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