Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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