Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
