she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
