I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just pee around me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
