Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
