dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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