I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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