i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
