shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
