So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
