Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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