There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
