her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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