This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
