There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
