If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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