it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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