okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
