dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
soo... how was my night?
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