no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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