you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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