just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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