I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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