I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
