I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
