You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
