I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
