I accidentally had phone sex last night
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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