At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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