I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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