how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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